Campbell Bain

[Campbell turns the device on, looking very pleased with himself, and waves. He looks kind of super nineties, only he's got on a black jacket to prove he's a proper DJ instead of the acid wash jean.]

Hello, Network! I think I've worked it out, now, and I'm really here, and I've no gone loony in new and exciting ways. I don't think it would've been all that bad, only I'd like t' keep my job with Radio Scotland, so that's good, especially if I'm no leavin' them all hanging and naebody'll even realise I'm gone.

There isnae a radio station here, is there? I've looked everywhere and you don't even have radios, though I suppose there could be shows on the Network that I havenae noticed, so, is there? If there is, I've got months of experience, bein' a DJ, an' I can come in and do a pilot any time y'want cos I could use a job and I don't really want t' start up as a barman again. It's well enough doin' it for the dosh until I move up in the business but it's no a career.

There's no someone who needs a flatmate, also, cos I cannae afford a place alone and I don't really want t' live in a hostel, and those seem t' be my choices. I don't think it's fair, takin' a man away fi' home and no gi'in' him the local currency t' start out with. I cannae find an exchange, or anybody mentioning one, so it looks like yeh havenae got them, which really isnae fair. If you're gonna kidnap someone, at least do him the courtesy of starting him out. And I don't mean by shovin' him into a hostel. But it is what it is, aye? So if anyone'll go halfers, and wait for me t' make a bit o' dosh first afore I can really pay for anythin', that'd be brilliant.

I think that's it. Oh, and I'm Campbell, by the way.

[He presses one wrong button, and then gets it right the next time and the video ends.]