loonyandproud | Entries tagged with *character: cameron lynde

[Campbell, grinning, leaning forward into the screen.]

I wasnae sure exactly what there was so many people here for t' begin with, I mean, I knew there had t' be a curse involved somehow, probably, or else just loads of people all being brought in at once. But I asked around and it's dead exciting, you know? Anyone could be here. Literally anyone. It's gotta be confusing, I guess, for everyone who just showed up here but do you lot no see how amazing this is?! I could do wi' still being cursed wi' that superspeed thing I had a few days ago so I could make sure t' meet everyone, but maybe I'd end up missing someone that way and I don't want t' miss anyone.

[ooc: ANYTHING ALLOWED. Fourth Wall away. He will be excited by pretty much ANYBODY showing up, unless you're Stuart. You can just stay at St. Jude's and not waste your time if you're Stuart. :|]

Lemme just catch my breath.

[Here we have action!Campbell, because he's both viciously pleased with himself, and angry, which combines into....action.]

Did anyone actually give Flynn Rider a trophy? The one which was meant to be for not stealing? Well, it looks like his trophy really ought t' be taken away cos my record player, Curt's pin, and by extension, this whooooole recent crime wave is his fault. If the police could go and question him, now, and get all of us back our stuff, sooner would be better than later, cos he shouldnae be allowed to enjoy his ill-gotten gains for a second longer!

[A pause, and then he smiles properly, looking a little bit hopeful.]

That part done with, there's no any women I made a good impression on a couple days back who'd be willing t' go on a date wi' me today? Y' might've all just been cursed t' talk t' me but y' never know, really. I thought it was better t' ask than no.

[And then, added as an afterthought:] It's a bit...wet outside, is it no?

[Video is turned on. Campbell is not looking very pleased. He's also sitting somewhere not easily recognisable, leaning against a wall.]

I think I've been calm. I've been very calm. I calmly contacted the police a few days ago. [Blatant lie about the calm bit. In general.] I calmly waited for them t' find something. But I'm no doin' this traditionally anymore cos I'm bloody fed up. So you! Bastard who broke in and stole my record player! You'd best return it or else I will find you, and you willnae like what happens next. D'you hear me? I'm givin' y' one last chance tae return it, no questions asked, and then I'm coming after you! [And as an afterthought:] And return Curt's pin y' stole, too.

[This means something occurs to him, apparently.]

Curt, how d'you get your cat t' stop attacking your feet? Cos it willnae stop. I tried t' make friends and then it came in and started attacking them. I had t' climb on top of my chest a drawers.

[Camera swoops around to demonstrate. The cat isn't in the room. Campbell really is hunched on top of a chest of drawers. Camera back to his face.]

It was the only place high enough t' make it stop but now I don't wanna climb down cos it'll probably come back and it actually hurts cos it's got bloody sharp claws and everything. It might just be my socks but I don't want t' take them off in case it isnae. It'd take away my last protective layer and I'd rather keep walking, honestly. I don't have anything up here t' distract it, either. And I don't know where it is...

[ooc: So, uh. This is the thing that will keep him in one place long enough to be speed-dated over the device. If....you so choose.]

[Campbell is excited. This is not new, though, so it is barely worth mentioning.]

Have you seen these bunnies? D'you know they burst intae flame if y' run at them? Only they still act like rabbits so you can chase around fireballs! It's pure dead magic. Literally too, I suppose. You no think it hurts them, does it? They wouldnae keep doin' it then. They go right back t' normal when they're calmed down, anyway. Be a dangerous pet, though, would it no? Useful, maybe. Somethin' scary happens and you can roast marshmallows. You'd want t' invest in a fire extinguisher first, a course.

[A pause, and Campbell looks like he's pondering.]

I think Eddie's gone, actually, he wasnae at home when I went t' check on him or when I tried callin' him. I went t' that place wi' all the pictures only I didnae find him cos I ended up finding a bunch of portraits of people off telly and I went off looking at them and I don't actually want t' go back and search again. But I'm fairly certain he's gone. The people from shows being in that hall: does that mean they used to live here? Cos that's cool, it just makes this place even better! Anyway, Eddie's probably better at home, he didnae like this place anyway. I no would have minded him being here t' start the station with but maybe he'll come back.

I've moved, anyway, or I'm moving. I havenae got much stuff t' move so I may as well have moved. I'm gonna be living wi' Curt Wild, who's got a cool name cos he's a rock star! Perfect, really, me being a DJ and him being a musician, we're both about the same thing from different angles, and different ends of it. It'll be better, sharing rent, I reckon, I can spend less time at work and more time building up the radio station. Has anyone got a job going, by the way, I don't think the bookshop is going t' work out. I havenae been fired, exactly, but I don't think the place meshes very well wi' my selling style. They're no ready for it, really.

[Video off. Campbell's going out to run at droves of bunnies with his arms out. Notice him, maybe, join him, tell him that he should maybe stop before he catches on fire?]

Does anybody have a haggis on them? Or not ON them, I mean, about their person or around the house, perhaps? Or are there any other Scots here that wouldnae mind me sittin' in on their Burns Supper? It didnae...weeell, it didnae REALLY occur t' me that I couldnae just go HOME for dinner and that I'd have tae put together something myself. Boiling vegetables for mashing them isnae hard, is it? It's just putting the vegetables int' water and them boiling them, aye? ... It doesnae really matter if I cannae find a haggis. That's the really important part. ... Eddie! You remembered, did you no? You must have something.

[Campbell is finally starting to get over his obsession with communication via the video option on his device, but he'll never be the sort to type things out.]

Is there anyone who can teach me how t' filter bits o' posts? I know it's supposed t' be possible, but I'm no used t' computers. I didnae have one at home. A few of my mates had one, but I didnae get t' use them very often, let alone doing coding like a programmer or anythin'. I think it'd probably be somethin' useful t' know.

Oh, and was everyone loony, yesterday? It felt like the City was trying t' make me feel at home. It mostly worked, even if there wasnae anyone that I actually knew, but it was homely all the same. Was that a curse? Would that mean drugs would no of worked, cos most of you needed 'em more than I do. Suppose it's lucky that I wasnae cursed myself, though I cannae help but wonder if there were any other real loonies out there who were cursed. Or maybe some of you no were cursed and I just didnae notice. Still, I think that'd be nice. A whole City full o' loonies. Might be a bit chaotic, mind, but it'd be fun. St. Jude's but massive!

Oh, aye, I nearly forgot why I was posting in the first place. Rudy? I have the money for you that you asked for. It wasnae that hard, though I don't think I'll keep doing two jobs. I didnae really want either of them, but it cannae be helped, now, with me moved into a flat. But I only needed the money for a suit and mobile, and now I need the time for making a proper radio station. D'ye lot know there's no a station, or, no a real one, at least? How d'you go about broadcastin' ontae the Network? There's no point in doing otherwise, not when there's no real radios. But I'm no gonna let this City stand in the way of my dream. I'll just have t' start the station myself. Eddie? Are y' with me?

[Campbell turns the device on, looking very pleased with himself, and waves. He looks kind of super nineties, only he's got on a black jacket ~~to prove he's a proper DJ~~ instead of the acid wash jean.]

Hello, Network! I think I've worked it out, now, and I'm really here, and I've no gone loony in new and exciting ways. I don't think it would've been all that bad, only I'd like t' keep my job with Radio Scotland, so that's good, especially if I'm no leavin' them all hanging and naebody'll even realise I'm gone.

There isnae a radio station here, is there? I've looked everywhere and you don't even have radios, though I suppose there could be shows on the Network that I havenae noticed, so, is there? If there is, I've got months of experience, bein' a DJ, an' I can come in and do a pilot any time y'want cos I could use a job and I don't really want t' start up as a barman again. It's well enough doin' it for the dosh until I move up in the business but it's no a career.

There's no someone who needs a flatmate, also, cos I cannae afford a place alone and I don't really want t' live in a hostel, and those seem t' be my choices. I don't think it's fair, takin' a man away fi' home and no gi'in' him the local currency t' start out with. I cannae find an exchange, or anybody mentioning one, so it looks like yeh havenae got them, which really isnae fair. If you're gonna kidnap someone, at least do him the courtesy of starting him out. And I don't mean by shovin' him into a hostel. But it is what it is, aye? So if anyone'll go halfers, and wait for me t' make a bit o' dosh first afore I can really pay for anythin', that'd be brilliant.

I think that's it. Oh, and I'm Campbell, by the way.

[He presses one wrong button, and then gets it right the next time and the video ends.]

[The audio cuts in in the middle of a sentence spoken quite quickly in an enthusiastic and very Scottish male voice.]

--but I willnae keep you waitin’ any longer, so here’s th—

[A pause.]

Actually, I may have to keep you waiting just a wee bit longer, Gold Boppers, because I think I might have gone loonier than usual, being as I cannae see the studio anymore. I’ve lost my cans too, and the record and the mic and...the chair I was sitting in and it’s a very detailed hallucination, actually, cos I cannae feel or hear anything real any more either.

It’s all been replaced, though, I’ve no just gone blind and deaf and unless the nice men are already here and dragging me back to St. Jude’s I bet you’re all sitting there on the edge of your seats, wonderin’ what it is I’m seeing, or what’s gone wrong with me now, or maybe you’re just writing another angry letter to tell Radio Scotland that [He puts on a deeper, more English voice] Campbell Bain really isn’t suitable for the post and should be removed before he damages equipment that he cannae see. [He speaks normally again.] But I don’t care about you, I care about the first lot, and I can tell you all that it looks like I’m in a city square now, sitting on a park bench. Nowhere in Glasgow, I havenae seen this sort of fountain anywhere before, so I must’ve invented this one.

[Another pause.]

And I cannae feel the mic anywhere so either I’ve knocked it sideways now, or I’m no in the studio anymore and I’m talkin’ to myself in a hospital bed. ... [Quietly.] I hope they don’t sedate me. I could easily be more interestin’ than Neighbours, goin’ on like this. Well, at least as interesting. Close second. Better than Myra the Catatonic, at least.

[The feed stays on but the man doesn’t talk anymore.]